With Orion’s birthday having come and gone and my newfound love of childbirth and natural living I have had these intense feelings that I need to share my birth story. I don’t just mean talk about my experience, but actually dig deep inside of myself and reveal my true emotions of what when on that day.
2006 was a turning point in my life. I had just gotten married in January and was expecting our first child. With a “due date” so close to Christmas I should have expected what would happen. I had been 14 days past my “due date” and had doctor’s appointment. Actually it was an appointment with the Nurse-Midwives. I had chosen to go with the midwives because I truly believed they were the way to ensure I had a natural childbirth. Boy was I wrong. I went in for my appointment and every thing was fine, but the midwife said she wanted to do an ultrasound just to see how everything was in there. So they did. The ultrasound technician was very nice. I remember her being kind and gentle. We were looking at the ultra sound and had seen this before. We had maybe 5 or 6 ultrasounds during my entire pregnancy. (That’s a lot.) My husband and I were beginning to understand how to read them. Anyway, the tech called in the midwife. I asked if there was something wrong and they smiled at me and shrugged it off. Then the midwife started moving the ultrasound thing around on my belly. They had me get off the table and go back to the office. In the office I was told there was not enough water for Orion to survive inside me. You have to remember this was not a planned ultrasound so I did not have to drink the 32 oz of water before coming in so they could get an accurate reading. They had me lay on the table while they strapped on a monitor and had me drink apple juice from a can. I remember it being very nasty. You have to remember I am a fairly large girl and fetal monitors don’t exactly agree with our body type. They couldn’t pick up a good heartbeat and when they did I was so uncomfortable I had to move and they could not pick up a good one again.
After about an hour of hunting for a heartbeat they said they were going to send me over to the hospital and induce me because he had been in there long enough and judging by the ultrasound he was too big and if he grew anymore they thought I would have a hard time. The ultrasound measured him at around 9 and a half pounds. I went to the hospital and they wanted to induce me and I said I don’t want Pitocin so they broke my water. This was the very first thing that made me lose my trust in Nurse-Midwives. As she broke my water amniotic fluid I heard her say “Oops” under her breath. I questioned her on it and she said, “It looks like there was enough water in there after all.” I could have strangled her.
She gave me an hour to get into full labor. That didn’t happen. I was so upset I didn’t listen to my husband when we planned this birth. I know most women don’t say that. My husband was the one who wanted a homebirth. I was scared. So I said we would do the midwives at the hospital. Little did I know they might as well be an OBGYN. At first they wanted to immediately put me on the monitor that you cannot get out of bed on. I said no to that and asked for the walkable monitor. But as I said before it doesn’t work so well with women of size. They let me try to get labor going and then put me on Pitocin. Nothing happened for a few hours. Then I went for a walk. Once I walked I got some contractions to start going but not until they upped the PIT a few times. Once those contractions started there was no hope. I was never given the chance to ease into them. One minutes nothing and then out of nowhere it was like I was ready to push. The contractions were so hard. So after a while I was surrounded with people telling me to get an epidural. Before we did that. My husband gave me a blessing, well he attempted to. It was a beautiful blessing minus the fact that the midwife came in and interrupted us after we had asked for a minute. She came in and said, “Aww that’s nice, I called the anesthesiologist and they will be here shortly.” She didn’t leave us alone again until I received the epidural and then fell asleep. I was in constant pain because the blood pressure cuff kept squeezing so hard my arm actually turned purple. My husband ripped it off after about 6 times of me telling the nurse it hurt so bad and them not doing anything. (My husband does not like hospitals. J) So the midwife left and the nurses kept coming in and saying they can’t get a good reading on the heartbeat so they came in and told me the different options. (Reminder: when you get an epidural, you cannot get out of the bed so you have a catheter.) It is all a blur what happened I remember a lot of me looking at my RN mother looking for support and not receiving what I was looking for due to her medical background. Some how an internal monitor was put into Orion’s head and we were left to go back to sleep. I remember not feeling comfortable to give birth I remember wanting to go home. I remember not having the privacy I needed to give birth. I felt like I was on display.
When I went to sleep I was at 3.5 centimeters, I remember being checked again (I was at 6 now!) and they said I was being scheduled for a cesarean for 7:30 in the morning. They woke me up at 6:30 to get me ready. And moved me into the operating room. I was cold, so cold I was shaking so bad I started having really bad convulsions. And naturally they were attempting to give me a spinal at this time so I remember them getting mad at me for shaking. I was laid out on the table with my arms strapped down. I remember my husband coming in and untying my right arm. Once he had my hand I wasn’t scared anymore. I told Ike I was going to take a nap and did. Apparently I was not supposed to sleep and the anesthesiologist got really nervous and turned down my dose. Right before Orion was born I got sick from all the pushing they were doing to me and I threw up what ever was left of that flavored ice I had for dinner.
I remember looking over to my husband and seeing Orion in his arms. I asked if he was okay and fell back a sleep. GO HERE FOR PART TWO
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