Saturday, May 5, 2012

Second Run... uh-oh

Well, as you know last Wednesday I was feeling pretty good in the morning. That changed very quickly. I got home from the doctor, my head was pounding really bad, and I ended up in the ER at about 8 o'clock pm. This time I was given 4 bags of blood! I stayed the night in the hospital and during that time I lost 3 pounds. I am guessing I will gain the weight that I lost back just because I wasn't feeling the best on Wednesday. 

I am still nervous, I have to make a lot of blood back and keep it. I don't want to loose it again. I don't know if anyone has ever had an experience where you are loosing a lot of blood and can't stop it but I don't recommend it. It is REALLY scary! 

I think that is one of my biggest fears right now. I am afraid I am not going to be here to see my little boy grow up. I have already missed so much of his life by me being stupid and wanting a career, thinking that if i don't have a career and get my name out there I will be a failure. When in reality, I am failing at being a mother and a wife. That is my calling not any of these other things. I am hoping once I am feeling better I will be able to fully focus on my son and my husband. They are my priority. I am still going to illustrate, just not full time, I don't even know if I will even be able to call it part time. 

Anyway, before I get very emotional here I am going to go take a nap. I don't want to bum anyone else out like I am right now. 

Hopefully some homesteading/real food/alternative lifestyle posts will be up once I start feeling better. 

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